1. Create a self-portrait using Microsoft Paint and only Microsoft Paint.
I decided if I couldn't go for talent, I'd go for bizarre – so here's my self-portrait, if I was a "Head in a Jar" like on Futurama *cue Conan O'Brian "The Future" theme song*. Note that even in the future, they still have uber-stylish packer-hats.
2. Take a picture of human(s) and overlay some hilarious text, ahem, expressing what they are doing humorously (LOLPeople).
Okay, to make up for my poor art skills, I decided to go a little overboard with my LOLPeople pictures. I think they speak for themselves, so I'll shut up now.
3. Your job in this topic is to cut and paste a celebrity into a picture (photochop).
I have to bow out of this portion of the contest – I have no time to work on this portion of the entry this week, so instead I'll share something from my "found on the internet" file – I think this is from way back in 2002, posted on a webcomic fan forum. I can't claim any responsibility for the resulting hilarity of the image below, so don't even try to blame me for it.