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1. Take a picture of something that would be easy to identify otherwise, except for the distance and angle of your picture.

Can you guess what this is?  Click through to the bigger picture for a link to the answer, found in the description.

Mystery object – what could it be?

2. Show us something nobody (and I mean NOBODY) knows that you own.

But wait, if I show it to you, then SOMEONE will know I own it, so it won't qualify anymore, will it?  Ahh, screw it.  I'll show you my secret:

Now that you know my secret, I’ll have to kill you

Yes, that's right, I own a slingshot with two kinds of ammo.  Not even my wife knows (I think).  I bought it back in college on a whim and practiced out in a field until I got decent with the aim.  With the ball bearings, I can pretty much shoot clear through a box of Triscuits.  Now I keep it around in case of the zombie attack.  When all those others run out of ammo, I'll just casually reach down and pick up another handful of rocks and keep right on taking out those brain-eatin' fools.

3. Show us your theory as to where Emily's monkey went (it still has NOT showed up, thanks post office!).

I heard that the Department of Homeland Security picked him up and put him in a line-up where an old lady identified him as the terrorist she had overheard talking about "Setting us up the bomb".  I was able to contact a couple of the other monkeys, and they consented to a re-creation of the line-up to better illustrate what happened:

Monkey Line-Up

4. Show us one place you would definitely NOT let your kids trick or treat.

I have it on good authority that the folks that live in this house eat children that come trick-or-treating at their house.  Plus, they probably won't be home again this Halloween to hand out candy.  If I were you, I definitely would not let my kids trick-or-treat there.

Never take your kids trick-or-treating here…they’ll get nothing but pennies

5. Take a picture somewhere you're not supposed to.

I was going to take a picture while waiting in the Airport Security line tomorrow, but after the crack above about the DHS, I'm pretty sure I'd end up in a windowless room somewhere, getting grilled by a stern-but-frustrated officer about my relationship with Emily's monkey.

Then I thought back to my driver's education classes in high school.  I'm pretty sure that "behind the wheel" is somewhere you're not supposed to be taking pictures.

If you must take pictures while driving, be sure to get a good shot for your obituary