In my family, I am notorious for choosing the worst movies for family movie nights. It's almost a sure thing. In fact, it happened so often over the years that I almost consider it my superpower to be able to choose to watch, out of all available selections, the worst movie possible. Here are some of the "gems" I selected over the years:
- Super Mario Brothers
- Wagons East and Canadian Bacon
- Drop Dead Fred
- Citizen Ruth (caveat – for my 12 year old brother)
- The Cable Guy
- Batman and Robin
Now granted, most of my worst choices were back in the days before internet rating systems and review sites were in place. We'd usually wander around in a Blockbuster video store and pick movies that looked like they might appeal to the family. I just know, if left to my own devices, I tend to choose films on the crappier side of the scale.
Given this knowledge, how can I best use my powers for the good of all mankind? By simultaneously warning and entertaining others of the perils of these crappy movies! And what better way to do it than in the most succinct format known to humanity today – the 140 character tweet!
I'd like to introduce to you my alter-ego, TheCrapCritic, who can be found anywhere that bad movies and media exist. Through this account, I'll distill the essence of a crappy film, book, commercial, television show, or other media down into a pithy, 1-tweet "review". I can't promise a regular schedule because even I won't voluntarily subject myself to these crappy products – but you can bet with my unerring ability to choose the crap that I'll have plenty to post. Here a couple of my more recent "reviews":
- SURROGATES: The actors portray surrogate robots. They do a great job – it's like a bad screenplay being read aloud by your computer. #crap
- DEATH RACE: Where Jason Statham wears a metal mask and drives a Mustang with guns attached. Viewers are advised to wear blindfolds. #crap
- If Jet Li spent as much time practicing his acting as he did his martial arts, Kiss of the Dragon might have been a better movie. #crap
If you're on Twitter, come follow TheCrapCritic for more along the same lines. I'm just getting started over there so there's not much of a backlog, but the crap will out, so it's just a matter of time…