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It’s probably a good thing Superman built his Fortress of Solitude out of ice & crystal instead of Girl Scout cookies.  I think he would have received a sudden influx of new neighbors, Arctic wasteland or no Arctic wasteland.

I still can't believe I lugged in 80+ boxes for my coworkers and forgot to order any for myself.

Oh yes, did I mention your Girl Scout cookies have arrived? $4 a box, please form an orderly queue, and line-jumpers will be shot on sight.

Oceans of java
The caffeine courses through me
Yet still I crave sleep

Meesa gonna be missing from da wedding cake!

Yesterday I wrote about enlisting a coworker to play a prank on her Star Wars fan of a fiancé by suggesting they include Jar Jar Binks on their Star Wars themed wedding cake.

She couldn’t wait to carry out the plan, and, well, here’s the recap she emailed to me this morning:

So last night I had my BlackBerry out and I pretended I was looking something up on the internet, but really I was reading from the script you wrote.  His reactions were almost EXACTLY what you wrote.  It was hilarious.  I only made it to his reaction to the name Jar Jar Binks… I laughed too much to finish.

I let him read your email and he was impressed by your Star Wars knowledge.

So there you go – I’d say that went well! And hey, they’re still together, so I don’t have to feel guilty about unintentionally breaking up the happy couple!

Meesa most hated character in Star Wars!

Those three innocuous words fill any die-hard Star Wars fan with revulsion.

A coworker of mine is engaged to a die-hard fan.  She never watched any of the Star Wars movies until she met him.  He has only “allowed” her to watch Episodes IV, V, and VI (the older ones). [Don't worry, it's a healthy relationship - she has absolutely no desire to watch the new ones.]

As I said, he’s a die-hard fan.  They’ve talked about having Han and Leia cake toppers on their wedding cake (I’ll give you one guess whose idea that was.)

So I’m enlisting her in a prank.  I’ve explained who Jar Jar Binks is to her, and she’s going to bring it up to him in a little scene that should go something like this:

Her: Oh honey, I saw the coolest thing today.

Him: Yeah, what was it?

Her: It’s something from Star Wars.  And I want to include it on our cake, ok?

Him: *eyes lighting up* Yes? What was it? A working replica of a light saber? A tie fighter? A foot-high model of the Death Star?

Her: No silly, none of those things.  No, I saw a clip on Youtube.  He’s the cutest character, and so silly.  Let’s see, his name was…Jar Jar Binks, I think?

Him: *aghast* No. No no no no no nononono.  For all that is holy, no. Anything but that.

Her: Oh, why not sweetie?  He’s so cute, with that long tongue, and big floppy ears.  And that cute accent? “Meesa hungry!”  I love that!

Him: …

Her: Oh come on baby, pleeeeease?

Him: No. Anything but that.

Her: Oh, ok, fine.  How about an Ewok then? Or one of those “pod racers” that Jar Jar Binks was fixing? OOH! How about an Ewok riding IN a pod racer? Wouldn’t that be adorable?

Him: …

Him: I’d like the engagement ring back, please.

.

Come to think of it, maybe this isn’t such a good idea for a prank, after all.

NOT the Bean's new doorknob.

Early this morning (i.e. before 7AM), I replaced the Bean’s doorknob with the one from my closet door.  The new one? It does not lock.

4 year olds do not need a door that locks.  ESPECIALLY when they use it to act out in anger.

On a related note, my wife will now be able to lock herself in the master bedroom closet when she can’t take the kids anymore.

What did you do before 7 AM?  What do you WISH you had done before 7 AM?

The streets seem smaller,
cozier, more familiar.
Happy to be home.

There’s something I really enjoy about returning from a trip overseas. With every step from baggage claim to my car, I shed worries and thoughts of work, my steps growing lighter and more energetic. I climb behind the wheel and on my drive home notice sights and street signs I normally take for granted. Everything clamors for my attention but nothing distracts me from the thoughts of finally returning home.

I pull into my driveway and cannot wait to get inside the house and wrap myself in a warm cocoon of familiarity, hugs, and loving words. Every time I return is better than the last. It almost makes me want to leave again just to get the feeling of returning home. Almost, but not quite. For now, I’ll just enjoy myself and spend my time with those I care about most in this world.