Five Signs You Never Want to See Posted at Your Gym
- "Due to the rash of recent infections in the locker rooms, please wear flip-flops in the shower. Better yet, please wear your tennis shoes in the shower."
- "Until we can get the CD player fixed, the PA system will be stuck playing Madonna's album "Ray of Light" on repeat. Sorry for the inconvenience."
- "Any individual seen taking pictures in the locker rooms should be reported to the front desk at once."
- "We have now opened up a new session of the pole-dancing class SPECIFICALLY for those 55 and older. All others should continue to take the Wednesday morning class."
- "Mandatory drug testing will begin on Monday morning. Please show up hydrated and ready to 'go'."
Five Things You'd Be Better Off Doing Than Posting on Vox on Saturdays (and Sitting Around, Hoping for Comments)
- Organizing your CD collection chronologically by when you purchased the albums
- Scrubbing out your toilets with an old toothbrush
- Trying to convince someone of another political party that your chosen candidate is better than theirs
- Watching 12 straight hours of QVC or equivalent programming
- Calculate the average number of minutes in a given week you waste online
Five Reasons Merlin Mann Hasn't Posted Any New 5ives Recently
- He's spending all his time blogging about blogging better
- He has been secretly recruited by Barack Obama to implement a Getting Things Done system for the new administration (and everyone will have Hipster PDAs!)
- He just doesn't care anymore. And he likes to see you cry about it.
- He's secretly hoping you'll post some lists to fill the void. Then he plans to steal them from you and repost under his own name.
- He's too busy talking into a vaguely cell-phone-like object. (Be sure to check out the one entitled "Solid State" – it's funny)
Five Signs You May Want to Get a New Roommate
- You wake up to find your current roommate measuring your inseam.
- You walk in one day to find your roommate guiltily stuffing something large and furry down the garbage disposal.
- You think that your roommate believes the phrase "April showers" describes how often a year they should bathe
- When perusing the cookbooks in the kitchen, you come across A Cookbook for Cannibals
- Your roommate and his/her pet owl keeps you up all night with their incessant hooting
Five Reasons I Should Have a Fifth 5ive Here, But Don't
- It's almost midnight when I'm typing this, and I need to get some shuteye
- I ran out of good ideas for another list
- My tumblr addiction is getting out of control
- My dog ate my computer
- Ok, technically I do have a fifth 5ive now. Do I have to go back and change the title? Ah, screw it.
[NaBloPoMo 2008 – #8/30]