Conversations you may have heard at my house in the past week:+

1) The Purse

Dee: Mmm…my pretty new purse – it's so niiiice…
Me: Huh?
Dee: Honey, right now I feel just like you do, when you get a nice new electronic gadget.
Me: *lightbulb comes on* Ahhh, I see!  I'll stop giving you the strange looks then – you put up with me spending 2 hours configuring my phone a few months back.


2) The 3rd Grade Sense of Humor

Me: Violet, guess what?
Violet: What?
Me: CHICKEN BUTT!
Violet: *hysterical laughter*

Me: Violet, guess why?
Violet: Why?
Me: CHICKEN THIGH!
Violet: *hysterical giggles*

Dee: Violet, guess where?
Violet: …??
Dee: CHICKEN HAIR!
Violet: *even more hysterical giggles*

Violet: Mommy, Daddy – Guess why?
Me: Why?
Violet: CHICKEN LEG!
*hysterical laughter from all of us*


3) The Infant With a Newly-Discovered Sense of Mobility

Me: No Rosie, don't put that dust bunny in your mouth.
Me: No Rosie, don't try to climb up on the fireplace.
Me: No Rosie, don't grab the lamp cord, that's not for babies.
Me: No Rosie, don't crawl under the coffee table, you'll bump your head.
Me: No Rosie, don't eat that paper, that's yucky.
Me: No Rosie, don't pull Violet's hair.
Me: No Violet, don't push Rosie for pulling your hair.
Me: No Rosie, don't try to pull that basket of toys over onto yourself.
Me: No Rosie, don't eat that crayon, that's yucky.
(Repeat ad nauseam)


4) Television Priorities

Me: Violet, this is football.  See the team in blue?
Violet: Yeah! That is football!
Me: That team in blue is called the Panthers.  Can you say "Go Panthers!"
Violet: Go Pan…Panfe…. I can't say it.
Me: Pan-thers.
Violet: Pan-thers.
Me: Go Panthers!
Violet:Go Panthers!  Yay!  Go Panthers!
Me: Yeah, good job!  Go Panthers!
Violet: No, I want to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.


5) The Ideal Marriage is Based on Equality

Me: Honey, since you're going to Vegas with your friends right before Thanksgiving, if I hypothetically had to go to a seminar in Vegas for a couple days later this week, you wouldn't have any grounds to complain, right?
Dee: Honey, I love you dearly, but I will ALWAYS have grounds to complain if you pull something like that.


+If you were a fly on the wall.*
*You don't want to be one of the flies that was on my wall.  They met with a horrible demise over the weekend, courtesy of my flyswatter.

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