Tag: names

What’s in a name?

michelle-said posted a hilariously tragic story about how she got her laptop, Chardonnay Lionheart, addicted to cheap eBay power cords.  Yes, Michelle is an enabler.  But enough about her; the most important part of her story is not the sad spiral of decay that her poor Macbook Pro has fallen into, but rather its name.

Chardonnay Lionheart.

That is one truly awesome name for a laptop.

And you know what?

My poor laptop has been struggling along under the weight of my numerous endeavors for YEARS now with the same lack of respect I bestow on my garbage can.

My car has a name (Abe, aka The Silver Sparrow).

My children have many names (not all of them fit for company).

Hell, even my house has a name (Casa de Bedlam).

But my poor computer? It is as anonymous as, well, Anonymous.

So now, I am engaging in a quest.  A quest for the perfect name.

I expect it will end one evening with the storm looming outside and the windows blowing open, and I will shout my laptop’s given name into the raging tempest and save Fantasia from The Nothing.

Oh wait, sorry, that’s already been done.  Scrap that last paragraph.

Ok, I actually expect it will end one evening with me cleaning the fingerprint-smudged screen and, after closing the laptop’s cover and giving it a single pat on its hard casing, speaking aloud the words, “That’ll do, __________.  Good night.”

So here’s to finding the perfect name.  My laptop has faithfully stood by me for years of unquestioning service – it’s about time I show it how much I care for it in return.


A Rose By Any Other Name…

Various names, nicknames, or other ways I have been addressed by people during my life1:

  • Ross
  • Mr. Goldberg
  • Ross Goldberg
  • Roscoe (say the above fast, you'll see how some people got confused)
  • Goldberg
  • Big Goldberg (with my brother being Little Goldberg – unfortunately, now that he's taller than me, I think this would be different today)
  • Riss (I am pretty sure this was an unintentional typo in an email, but you never know)
  • Hey You
  • Dada, Dad, Daddy (by my daughter)
  • Rosaland (someone in elementary school thought my name was short for this and called me by it for a while to get my goat)
  • Dork
  • Fifer (Back when I wore glasses, some folks thought I looked like Paul Pfeiffer from the Wonder Years)
  • Raphael Naftali (my Hebrew name)
  • Motormouth
  • Assorted endearing terms (by my wife)
  • Sir (all too infrequently)
  • Assorted pejorative terms (by people who I have somehow pissed off)
  • Mr. Know-It-All (in a good way)
  • Mr. Know-It-All (in a bad way)
  • Madden (when I unconsciously imitate John Madden's mannerism of stating the obvious or all possible outcomes of a situation)
  • Ross-the-Boss (again, all too infrequently)
  • Teacher's Pet (this even went into my high school yearbook)

How about you?  Got any good names you've ever been called to share with everyone?  Post in the comments, or put a link back to your blog with an entry that shares them….

1Please note that these were all ways I've been addressed.  That doesn't necessarily mean I answered to them.

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