Tag: silly

New Music Find: Rollin’ Metal

Here’s the newest Metal band on the scene.  They may not play any actual instruments and their lyrics still need some work, but they’ve got an energy you just can’t deny.

Oh wait, they DO play instruments.  Here’s a clip from an alternate, more intimate venue.


I Always Liked Doing Dissections in Biology Class

Hmm, it is all starting to make sense now.

Reminds me of a Da Vinci drawing...

And of course, this also reminds me of the famous Groucho Marx quote:

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

 


Search Term Extravaganza

Way back when I set up this blog, I installed Google Analytics on it. Occasionally, I’ll go in and check out where all the traffic is coming from, and what people seem to be interested in. It doesn’t change what I write or post here, but it does provide some interesting feedback as to how people are responding to the bizarre junk that spills out of my brain.

However, the search terms are a whole different story – these are just plain entertaining. Here’s a list of the best and/or most interesting terms that brought people to my blog:

  1. mood ring colors – Geez Louise – you do one post about how the length of your fingernails reflects your mood and suddenly everyone thinks you’re a mood-ring expert.  It helps that the photo I used in this post used to come up as one of the top hits for the Google Image Search for mood rings, but I’m guessing most people were disappointed when they finally clicked through.
  2. reblog your own post tumblr – By far my most popular post on this blog, I made a bookmarklet for people to use to reblog their own posts on the microblogging platform Tumblr.  I’ve got 76 variations on this search term that lead people to this post, so obviously there’s a lot of folks out there that want to reblog their own content for some reason or another.  Hope my bookmarklet helps them out!
  3. papercraft cd case – The internet is gaga over papercraft.  I could probably title posts “Papercraft Toilet” and “Papercraft Model of the Human Uterus” and I’d get more hits on those posts than all of my others combined. (Actually, I’d love to see either of those if they actually exist!)
  4. barber shop strip club – People still seem to enjoy my “it seemed like a good idea at the time” post about having a barber shop and strip club under one roof, even though I very clearly pointed out how, in the end, it just wouldn’t pan out well.
  5. doing just enough to get by – The unspoken slacker code.  Mostly unspoken because it would take too much effort for the slackers to document it somewhere.
  6. human torch candle in the wind – You know, they really should do a reboot of the Fantastic Four series.  Elton John would be perfect as Johnny Storm. “Flame On! Like a Diva!”
  7. “funny always” “funny once” “funny never” – What are my favorite authors’ blog posts, my attempts at humor, and practical jokes, respectively, Alex?
  8. audible amazon is rubbish – I agree.  And until they remove DRM from their products, I’ll never be a subscriber.
  9. bad nursery rhymes – Happy to oblige: “Mary had a little lamb / its fleece as white as snow / and everywhere that Mary went / pineapple!”
  10. barbershop with strip club – See, what did I say?  Something about that idea just strikes a chord with people!
  11. being a flamingo dancer in a past life – Why yes, my adopted Native American name DOES translates to “Dancing With Flamingos” – how did you know?
  12. can’t wait to meet my family – You and me both!
  13. friends ross calls himself rossotron – Well, I don’t technically call MYSELF Rossotron, so you’re probably looking for a different Ross.  There’s a lot of us out there, so it’s ok if you got confused.
  14. gentlemen club barbar shops – Ok really, that’s enough folks.  THERE IS NO STRIP CLUB BARBER SHOP. END OF CONVERSATION.
  15. grass wolf scrunt – I have no idea what this means, but it sounds like an AWESOME band name.  Feel free to use it and send me a copy of your first demo, and I’ll see if I can get it some play on the radio for you.
  16. green eggs and ham led zeppelin – I’m pretty sure green eggs and ham were NOT on the gig rider for any of Zeppelin’s tours, but I could be mistaken.
  17. haiku about feeling crazy – How’s this? “Insane in da brain / (I’m) Insane in da membrane / Insane in da brain!” Oh no, wait, that’s just Cypress Hill lyrics in haiku form.  Sorry, I guess that’s the best I can manage on such short notice.
  18. how can i get a copy of my purchase receipt from circuit city – I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure you’re out of luck.  Good rule of thumb to remember for the future though: Always request a copy of your purchase receipt BEFORE the company declares bankruptcy.
  19. how not to cry on your wedding day – There’s only one surefire way – surgical removal of the tear ducts.  Better start saving now though – I’m pretty sure that’s not a procedure covered by many HMOs.
  20. how to make my wife cry tears of you at our wedding – Well, you can always do what I did, but I’d recommend just trying to make her day extra-special, and if the tears come, they come.
  21. i made her day – Good for you! If she’s important to you, try to make her day again tomorrow, and the next, and the next, ad infinitum.  She’ll appreciate it, I promise you.
  22. lady in the water scrunt making – Oh wait, NOW I know where that “grass wolf scrunt” search term came from.  Wishing I could forget, though.  Just like I wish I could erase the entire Lady in the Water movie from my brain.  Some things you just can never unsee, however.
  23. liquor and gun shop combo – Sounds like another one of those “It seemed like a good idea at the time” schemes.  I like the double entendre of “taking shots” though.
  24. makemywifecry – Sorry, not my bag.  I’m sure your wife doesn’t enjoy it when someone makes her cry, either.
  25. my mother makes it clear i was an accident – Wow, that’s a little too much information.  It sounds like maybe both you and her need a little group therapy to work through whatever issues are going on there.
  26. radon inspector bainbridge island – Have you heard of the yellow pages? Because I sure as hell won’t be of any use on this query.
  27. redheaded woodpecker smoking a cigar – Now this is something I’d like to see!  How soon can you arrange for me to take a photo of such an avian spectacle?
  28. strip club and barbershop in little rock,ar. – Hmmm. This search seems oddly specific. Perhaps I spoke too soon about the non-existence of a strip club barber shop?  Must do some more research on the subject, methinks.
  29. what is the direction of the movie “city of ember” – Generally, outwards and upwards.  I hope this doesn’t give away too much of the plot for you.
  30. what things come in fives – Fingers and toes come to mind.  Oh yeah, and the Heineken Holiday Five Pack.
  31. why is my sense of direction bad – I have no clue but if you find out, could you please tell me?  I suffer from such an ailment myself and would love to learn how to improve it.
  32. william goldman is a liar – Wow, harsh words there buddy.  And frankly, I’m not sure I believe you.  Where’s your evidence?  And remember that making statements like this in print can be construed as libel, and based on extensive legal knowledge gleaned over the years from such shows as Ally McBeal and Night Court, I can authoritatively tell you this is NOT something you want William Goldman to sue you over.

Phew, that’s quite enough for today.  I’d get some better crazy filters on this blog to keep out the foil-hat-wearing nutjobs, but they’re WAY too much fun to observe (from a safe distance, of course).


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